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  • Writer's pictureStuart Champion

Hendrix is up!

Updated: Feb 23, 2019

That was all really straightforward.

I'm not entirely sure how we lost the tape measure, but I can only assume it disappeared when The Boy fell on my head.

You may be wondering at what stage of the picture-hanging process we encountered the climbing accident. It is a very good question and one I wish I could answer.

It turns out that hanging 5 pictures at precisely the right height so everything is in line is not as easy as we expected, so the whole escapade used a massive tape measure, a spirit level, several marker pens and pencils, a hammer and nails.

Once we'd moved the furniture, the calculations began. In the true spirit of "measure twice, cut once" we measured 3 times, got it wrong and then set about removing the indelible marker pen from the spirit level.

We re-measured and used the spirit level to mark out the spacing, which would have gone perfectly had Dad not used one of the old indelible marker marks as a guide to where to place the next picture nail.

We re-calculated, re-measured and re-pinned until everything was spot on. Then we hung the pictures and discovered the inescapable truth. Our picture hooks were at the right height, but the pictures themselves weren't.

Thus began the process of adjustment.

'Up a bit.'

'Down a bit.'

'Across a bit.'

It was during this process that The Boy elected to perch on the back of the sofa to cast a trained eye over the display, leaned back and landed on Dad's head.

Once the concussion had worn off we were ready to measure again.

And we would have done so, had anyone in the room (yes, we had an audience) known where the tape measure was.

Having satisfied ourselves it wasn't in any of the cupboards, in a drawer, on the floor, under the cushions or in the oven, we were all at a loss.

This is a giant tape measure, bought because it was i) shiny, ii) had a button that you can press to rewind the tape in a dramatic fashion, and iii) because it was large.

I don't know whether I've mentioned it, but this is a large tape measure we were missing.

Twenty minutes after the search began, I had my brainwave.

I didn't search under the cushions of the sofa, but in that bit at the back where coins, lighters and pens go to die.

Sure enough, there was £2.45 in change, another indelible marker (this one green so we can now differentiate the marks on the spirit level,) the 7 of Spades and a bungee cord. We all marveled at the haul, most particularly the bungee cord because we'd never seen it before.

Oh, yes, and the tape measure.

So all is now well.

The pictures are up.

We've recovered from our injuries.

And only one of the 5 pictures is out of line.

Our next task is to look for the other 51 playing cards to go with the 7 of Spades.

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